Girl's Guide: Monogamy

Monogamy is having one person to be your partner at a time. In the Holy Bible, it states that a person should be only married to one person at a time. However in the Quran, it states that as long as your first wife approves and you are able to take care of both wives equally, then you are allowed to take on a second wife. Women think before the action of making love to someone but men think after. So why is it so benefit to have monogamy?

The reason why women should seek monogamy in a relationship is it provides stability. The stability allows for a deeper connection with their partner and more happiness. In my own personal experience, when I was in a polygamy relationship with my partner because we had just decided to be friends with benefits, I was miserable. I knew that he was allowed to go out and make love to whatever girl he suited during that night, and I had no say in it. I also knew I had the same right. But men if you are reading this too here is a good point of keeping a relationship working, women need to feel protected and loved in a relationship, we can provide for ourselves.

Men's Guide: Asking the girl out

Most girls desire the guy to make the move to ‘just-friends’ to ‘couple’. But, how are the guys suppose to be making that move in the relationship?

1.       Gauge her interest. Is she is a friend and keep laughing when you tell a bad joke? Does she flirt with you, even if you still a friend?

2.       Notice how often she touches you. Even at a bar, a girl will brush her leg against yours or lightly touch your hand. Your friend might hold your hand or look for reasons to touch you.

3.       Observe how she looks at you. She may be smiling and flipping her hair then turning away as a great top. If you’re having a conversation, she will be looking at you and hopefully smiling.

4.       Look directly at her. She needs to feel that she trusts you. By looking down at her chest you are subjecting her.

5.       Help her out. If you are close friends, take her stuff when she needs something done. If you are meeting at an area at the first time, this might mean that you buy her a beverage.

6.       Be confident. Everyone has some good traits about them that one person will like. Learn to like yourself and then things will work out.

7.       Throw yourself out there. Be ready to ask if they want to do an activity with you.

8.       If it does not turn out, stay out there. There are other fish in the sea. Or, it could be that she does not like the activity.  

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Interview: When Long-distance relationships become strained

Hey everyone, catch this! I am your host Lizzie with ETH. Today, we are gathered here with Mr. Gloud, someone who has no social challenges but has experiences with dating one. Who has experienced a connection as an ex-fiancée with someone who has Aspersers. How long were you dating her?
I believe over a year, then off and on, then about a year
What did you believe the hardest thing about the relationship was?
The distance
Long distance can be tough. What is the advice you would give someone who was looking for the same type of relationship?
Try to make sure you have a good call plan, or use messangers to help keep costs down if possible
Okay, how hard is it to keep a friendship with the same girl you almost married?
For me its not too hard, just knowing they are being taken care of is good enough for me.
As the friend and an ex-partner, do you feel that her social challenges had any effect on your relationship?
Yes, she would talk to me often about various issues in her life which considering it was a distance relationship made me felt as if I was carrying extra baggage.
Do you have any advice who was in your position?
Try to handle things level headed and if it starts to become too much let the other person know.

In your opinion who do you believe is better suited for someone who has a social challenge? A person with the same social challenge or someone who does not. And, why?

Supposedly people with similar challenges are not supposed to be together, though I believe it differs from person to person.

Last week, we had a person stating that his girlfriend and him have issues with communication and compassion. How did you resolve this in your pervious relationship and current relationship?
pass
Last week, we discussed Dr. John Gray's idea that men sometimes go into their caves. According to Dr. John Gray, women need to respect the guy's private times. How do you feel that this has played a role in your relationship with her?
It wouldn't have hurt to be honest
Thank you for this interview. I am your host Lizzie from ETH. Remember, true love conquers all challenges. Until next time, where we interview a mother who says her daughter is her biggest hero because of her social challenge!

Fashion weekly: Why diets fail

Did you know that men and women lose the same amount on a diet? Many people from each gender want to go onto weight-loss programs. So, then why do we quite the dieting program? We will be discussing the three main reasons why diets do not work.

1.       The diets fail the person. The diet is structured too specific to meet our own lives. The diet should be more formatted to fit our time, energy levels, fitness routine, etc. Most people who are on a diet are also working it with fitness; and, most people who work out for more than 3 hours a bi-daily are required extra protein in their diets.

2.       It is limiting you from the right food. Some diets are specific in what they want you to eat such as a powdered milkshake in the morning for your breakfast. A healthy choice can be an raw egg with milk and spices; that is right egg-nag.  Surprising if you do not add too much sugar, this little beverage can give you the energy you need. When I use to be on the track-team, I had this morning breakfast and shot it back and for the rest of my day I was wide awake and active and this little drink helped me get into semi-finals.

3.       The weight-loss plateau. It means that no matter what diet you go on eventually your body will fail. Your body will notice the change of diet and act according with losing the amount of fat. However once you have lost that much fat, your body has lesser pounds which make it that your body does not to eat as much as previously.

So, than what is recommended? The Canadian Food Guide is a great way to start.    They recommend 5-12 servings of both the grain and fruit section. Milk products get 2-4 per serving unless you are pregnant than it is 3-4.  Meat and alternatives food group gets 2-3 per daily serving. Remember to consult with your doctor for the dieting tips you need.

Couple's Guide: Confidence for better sexual intimacy

“I have several problems with getting intimate with my partner. Every time that we get close, I start having fear about my size.”

-Unknown, US

“My partner was a virgin when we did it. I was not.  I wonder if he thinks I am a slut; even, when he tells me I am not.”

-Unknown, Canada

It takes a lot to unclothe you and become intimate with someone else. There are worries that you are not worth your partner’s intimacy. You may suffer from a lack of abilities that you otherwise would have had. How can you improve your confidence enough to enjoy your partner’s love physically? These are ten steps to better your sexual confidence.

1.       Identify why you are feeling that way. Was there ever a time where you were told about your size not being worth it and identify the source it came from. Was it even your partner? Many people have their own personal theories.

2.       Get out of the thought process that you will need to trick your partner. For an example, Tim knows that I am beyond the amount of experiences that he has. So, he allows me to do as much or as little as I see fit.

3.       Take time. Take time to go to the sexual part of the relationship, that way you can already trust your partner and your confidence will be ready for step 4. You can also tease the other, when you pull away from them thus they will be so desiring for you – it would not matter how the sexual techniques are like.

4.       Believe in equality of the relationship. Both people deserve to have their wishes taken care of. Usually in a good relationship if you have an issue with the sexual relationship, your partner is willing to assist you and give you reasons as to why they believe you’re not small or a slut.

5.       There is no one way to do the deed. Many couples have different ways of making love. There is no such thing as the wrong way and you might be shocked of what your partner wants. Each couple differs because people’s wants defer. For an example: my ex loved when I stay still; but, Tim hates.

Join us next week Friday where we discuss how meditation can help.

Bio:
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Women's Guide: Lovers to Friends

“Is it appropriate to have your ex-boyfriend as your friend?”

-Holly, Canada

Many people have an issue with whether or not an ex-partner can be friends.  Although many people will disagree to being friends after a horrible break-up, how do you know if it is appropriate to continue to friendships?
“Let’s just be friends.” But what does it mean to be friends? In some ways being friends with your ex-boyfriend is harder than being friends with someone who was not. If you are willing to put your past relationship aside you can possibly have a friendship. Here is some great tips to continue to be friends with an ex.

How to stay friends after a break-up:

1.       Evaluate whether this is the best course of action. Was it a horrible break up where one or the both of you has been infected over it? Example: if one of you has humiliated the other person in front of your friends; then, it might not be the best of choices.

2.       Allow time to heal. Have you both gotten over the break-up? I have a friend who still tells his ex-girlfriend that he wants to marry her. For approximately 2-3 months, but can take longer or shorter, after the break up heal your broken heart.

3.       A break up is a break-up; if not, then it is not. This is a time to avoid having sex with each other otherwise you may start being girlfriend and boyfriend again. My fiancée and I had flirted on each other while we were broken up and eventually realized we were too good together to stay broken up.

4.       A partner is a partner; and an ex is an ex.  Just like number three there are boundaries, the people must appreciate the new bonds in their ex-partner’s life. Do not glare at the new partner or state that you want to be that person.

5.       Take it slow! Remember, not necessarily will you want to be ‘friends’ all the time. Sometimes it might still sting when you least expect it. If friendship does not work out come together, discuss it with your ex to what should happen. Your current partner or their current partner might also have a say in whether or not is a good idea.

Bio:

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Guy's Guide: Communication verbal and non-verbal

“I believe it is most important to have compassion, communication, and commitment in a relationship. While I am very committed to my girlfriend, we tend to lack at the other two. Is there any advice you would give us?”

- Brandon, USA

Last week, I answered the questions of compassion. As compassion is the ability and desire to understand what the other person requires. Yesterday, we learned how important that communication is in a long-distance relationship, with Ally. Communication can be divided into verbal and non-verbal.

Verbal

Words can tell elaborate details of people’s stories.  Words can explain what the other person needs for their caves or physical touch. This is where people with Asperger’s succeed because they cannot lie; but, may explain something until someone else understands what they are saying.

Steve Lowell has a wonderful training area of this. The ‘I’ or what you require is the First-circle, for his public speakers students, that is all about what they require and want. This is hard for other people to listen to, as Toby Keith’s song says “I want to talk about me”. The Third-Circle, for his public speakers students, tells about their personal stories. The most desiring circle is the second circle, for his public speaker students, it allows people to have their own desire to speak and relate (Lowell 2012).

Non-verbal

There has been many studies that show approximately between 80%-95% of communication is based on non-verbal. Non-verbal is tone of pitch, body language, and volume. The ability of non-verbal provides: enforcement of words, replacement of words, and to over-ride words. This is the most difficult to people who have Asperger’s as this seems to be a foreign concept to them. It takes a long time for someone to get motor-focus therefore others may come across as awkward.

Michael John Carley has made two different suggestions of improving your non-verbal skills: acting class and videos. Acting class is an amazing way to understand how important and what you require for non-verbal (Carley 2008). As an actress, myself, I had moved from playing the dog part because of how I did not understand the human non-verbal. After taking several courses where I learned what a simple hand gesture meant I moved to a role where all I had was non-verbal skills.  Video taking is another way to improve your non-verbal skills; by first video tapping yourself and then taking tips from your friends (Carley 2008). For another example, I took my very first video with Ally. After my Toastmaster’s group, my friends made suggestions of how to improve my own non-verbal. Now, I can improve my interview skills.

Bibliography

Carley, Michael John. Asperger's from the Inside Out. New York: Perigee Book, 2008.

Lowell, Steve, interview by Alfonso Caudra. Success By Design (2012).

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